My thoughts of February

It's the month of hearts. How I wish that this will be over soon. Its not that I'm a valentine grinch or something but this month will reopen old wounds and must as I would like to avoid but this will also make me reminsice the past again. 

Living day by day is a struggle for me lately. I'm trying to be strong holding on to God for dear life and sanity. I sometimes ask myself why do I have to feel sorry for myself? I feel sorry because I loved somebody and the ultimate gift that I gave her is my time, and committed myself wholeheartedly to her and that I can't take back anymore.  Why do you feel regret? I feel regret because of the time lost and the love that died which took both of us 6 years to nourish only to waste them all away. I have strayed away that led to the death of the relationship, but I'm not perfect. I'm only human... born to make mistakes.

It's hard if the one you love expect too much from you and you know that you have given all that you have even sacrificing your personal dreams just to be with her. Expecting too much will only lead to dissappointment. That's what I learned, because no matter what I do it was still not enough for her. Holding me on a short leash would make her happy but she let go of the leash instead so that she can love herself. 

According to the book "The Purpose Driven Life" - Love your neighbors as you love thyself. Does this mean that if I love myself more than I love my neighbors then I'm being selfish? Definitely you are!. Sometimes we are self-centered to the point that we want to reach our dreams even if it means sacrificing and even hurting the very people that loves us the most. Well let me ask a question... What is the use of wealth, a great career, and all the material things in this world if you don't have someone to share it with?  Answer... None. They won't have any value at all. What is important is living your life to love your neighbors.

I have come to the conclusion that the month of February is indeed the month of hearts. I dreaded for this month to come but on the other side we could appreciate it as we see couples and families happily eating together and seeing the love in their eyes. This means that God is present and how I wish aI could take a snapshot of that.... How I wish I could have that same family with God at the center sharing the day of hearts....